day 23

83.9 thats an improvement. i spent all day watching the good wife yesterday. but i only ate a few pastoudes and one galaxy. i also walked maybe 20 minutes.

Day 20

yes, it has been twenty days. and if i had done what i had said i would, i would have lost 2 kilos by now. and even the scale is not working since i havent changed the battery yet. i will try to do that tomorrow morning. but yesterday i had been somewhat good. i bought only one galaxy bar and i even gave one piece to melissa (because she saw it and kept asking for chocolate!) i guess i could make a deal with her and give her two pieces. its not too much for her and that would leave me with less chocolate to eat. and she would also be satisfied that mama is not depriving her too much.

Day....? Today I have been good so far its thursday 5/6 and i havent been exercising. However, i eat less chocolate than before. not that i can say i have been what i should have been. I could make up some rules. i am allowed to eat chocolate when i have my period..like now i would die for one..a galaxy for example..i am later going to the supermarket and i believe i am going to buy a big one. another rule would be not to exceed one chocolate per day. i have reduced cheese and eggs to get the cholesterol level down.. but i dont know how much i weigh as the scale's battery is off. i need to buy a new one. susan thanks !

day 3-8

I cant believe so many days have passed and i have not written a single thing on this page! i have been filing the myfitnesspal page every day and i have now seen how easily the calories are added and how easily one person like me can go out of the goal. but i will not let my self get away with it. punishment? no. no. i think i can punish others but i havent punished myself ever. however..all these days i didnt stop to the kiosk to buy an ice cream or a chocolate. only ice cream from hakan and dark lindt. thats allowed! and not too much junk food either. at least i can congratulate my self for this. but gym? nothing. still nothing. i have been doing some trampoline at home though. thats something. Melissa is also very excited. but she is inviting me all the time to jump up and down with her on the trampoline and i keep trying to explain that only one each time is allowed. and susan ! thank you so much for coming here to read me. love from cyprus eleni

Day 2

a good day. made a few exercises outside in the garden and i weigh 84.8 today. an improvement from yesterday. i joined my fitness pal and hopefully this will help extremely.

day 1

18 May 2015 Driving to work the song on the radio sounded loud and clear in my ears. and this time it didnt get just to the ears. it penetrate the brain for the first time. 'I warned you, didnt i warn you' .. probably it was by rihanna. not sure. but the beat was fast and the tone jolly. despite the lyrics. i am at the lab. i have had my blood taken three times already. a young woman came in with her father and she was holding him. i thought the father was the patient. but it was the daughter. and reminded me that anybody of any age can be ill. i am so tired from not sleeping in the last few days. four hours in a row was the maximum i managed without waking up to go to the bathroom and to have water. and then stress came in. and still i have noticed the symptoms and still, i had sweets yesterday too, and not once but three times. i have been always out of control. and yes this must definitely have to do with psychological factors within but from outside too. I will get to that later. today i have to start a journey into my body, learn about it. understand it, heal it. it will take me 200 days , just like the trip of the woman who dares and just like the trip of the woman who cares. today Susan from wisconsin supported me. we messaged for a couple of hours around 4-6 am. I dont smoke. but i had been poisoning my self excessively over and over and over again and it didnt stop. It was like it was deliberate. it would be a logical conclusion if one would learn how i had been systematically been doing it. but acknowledging it is a step to correction and a step to freedom. 9.20 am - i have been at the lab for almost two hours. i have one more time to take some blood out for the test. i have drunk two big glasses of dilluted glucose and havent been drinking water since. but it is not that bad. i am thirsty but not as much as i would think i would be. i have dared to check the internet about the symptoms, the future. and it has been a week that i have been watching documentaries about what to eat, what not to eat as well as about cancer, how it grows. starting with a single cell that gets out of control. but there are outside factors that affect it. one of them, an important one is nutrition. and this is one of the things i have been doing wrong to my self. i want a second chance. i want a chance to be responsible. so the results came back and there is nothing wrong with the blood tests. in fact all the exams today were normal except esr of 24 instead of ten. but a few months ago esr was 30. today i ate in the morning half a toast with brown bread with turkey and salad for lunch the other half! i am here in the house looking on the itnernet to see what causes me to be thirsty all the time. it could be this as i also have dry eyes... http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/sjogrens-syndrome/basics/tests-diagnosis/con-20020275 weight at 5 o clock. 86!